I am praying for you (because) it sucks to be you
I recently have made a concerted effort to pray for someone when I tell them, "I am praying for you." It's not that I don't mean it when I say I will pray for them. I take the ability to pray for someone earnestly. I just feel like I am living life in a perpetual state of multi-tasking. One of the not-so-side benefits of multi-tasking is that my short-term memory has turned to mush. I have good intentions to pray, call, or text someone, and as soon as the thought hits me or the words are spoken, and then as if they were like a thick milky white fog on a warm summer morning, they evaporate into this cloudy bliss in my brain.
Praying for someone is essential. The Bible provides explicit instruction on the importance. Caregivers need an immense amount of prayer. I had so many people in my life genuinely pray for me as a caregiver, for my husband with a terminal illness, and for our children as they suffered the loss of parents and the strain of the extra work. I needed the prayers and the encouragement to survive the situation. However, sometimes I wondered if people weren't praying for me out of pity. I felt like they looked at me and didn't know how else to help or what to say and would just say, "I am praying for," but they secretly were thinking, "OMG, it sucks to be you!". I will let you in on a bit of a secret for all of you thinking about it. Some days it did suck to be me.
As a caregiver, I mainly suffered bad days in silence. Sure, I had a few very close confidants that I wasn't afraid to open to, but I kept that list of friends I would open to tightly guarded. I am not sure the old saying "misery loves company" holds for the "company" part in the expression. Notice it doesn't say "company loves misery." I think it is just something I learned as time went on. I was so afraid my friends and family would get sick of hearing my problems that I eventually stopped telling most of them about my issues and my woes. However, I think I may have short-changed my friendships by doing this. I needed them, and I needed their prayers on the good days and the bad days. I think it would be a huge relief to tell them I didn't need them to fix my problems; I just needed them to pray for comfort and ease for our entire family.
The next time you are faced with a difficult conversation with a friend or family member who is a caregiver such as “How are you?” don’t ask it in fear. Ask in confidence knowing they don’t expect you to fix their problems. They likely genuinely desire your prayers with no strings attached.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.